The Baby Bug

Oh it happened!  Remember me saying that I wasn't baby hungry...yea not anymore.  Just in the last few weeks we have been thinking and talking about it a lot.  Ben has been wanting us to have another baby for quite some time, but it's me that is a little more hesitant   It's probably because Brynlee is getting older and I see how much she LOVES babies and plays so well with other kids (well, usually).  We want to try to get pregnant sometime in August or September.  I don't care what anyone says; I really really want a summer baby.  I know how hard it is firsthand with Brynlee being born so close to Christmas and we want to try and spread the joy out throughout the year.  Obviously there is only so much we can control though, so I will just cross my fingers :)  I already have names picked out though for a boy or a girl.  I'm going to be keeping them a secret though!  Seriously I don't want to tell anyone until he/she is born.  And no- neither of them start with a B.

Mothers day was good, but to be honest it was a rough day for us.  Brynlee didn't go down for a nap before Church so when we got there she was over-tired and just wanted to run around like crazy.  Eventually we ended up leaving after the first two hours so Brynlee could get a nap in before dinner and I didn't lose my mind.  Ben asked me what I wanted him to make me for dinner and I told him; honestly I want Olive Garden!  I have been dying for some lately so he was sweet enough to take me out for dinner right when I wanted it.  He's a champ.

The BIG D

You know that absolutely terrifying heartbreaking word right...DIVORCE.  Hold your horses though and don't jump to conclusions, we are not divorcing or even heading down that road.  We had a rough year right before Brynlee was born and shortly after but thankfully we both changed for the better and couldn't love each other and our little family more than we do right now.  Yes, we definitely disagree with each other sometimes, but for the most part we are on the same page.

Just this morning though while I was wasting time on facebook, I came across a little 'announcement' made by a past co-worker of mine.  She had explained on facebook that her and her husband were getting a divorce.  They were sealed in the temple and past students at BYU-Idaho.  In a nutshell she said that she has suffered for three years and has sought a lot of counsel from their Bishop and prayer, and that enough was enough she had to think of herself.

I couldn't help but think to myself one; this is so sad, and two; how does this happen?

How do people who were once madly in love with each other and made such sacred promises get to the point of wanting to dissolve their partnership and move on without one another.  Now I'm not saying anything else about this couple, this is just my own thoughts on the matter of divorce (not their divorce in particular because its frankly none of my business).

I don't think that divorce sneaks up on people; I think it comes gradually over a period of time.  Feelings of anger, resentment, hostility, rejection, and distrust slowly drown a couple.  Marital matters that should be resolved or at least worked on are either swept under the rug or approached in the wrong manner.  By approaching in the wrong manner I mean- when you spouse comes to you with an honest complaint and you get defensive and either want to get back at them or not want to listen to them.  We all have different aspects of ourselves as husbands and wives that we need to work on.  Let's be honest nobody is perfect.  I have met those amazing couples who seem to have so much love, compassion, and admiration for one another but also comes over time.  I can honestly say that even though right now I am trying to be the best wife and mother I can be (an oftentimes I feel like I fall short), I think that in 5 years, 10 years, heck even 20 years down the road I will be so much better than I am now.  Life is about progressing.

As a couple we should strive to progress with one another.  When we stop progressing towards become better and more Christlike than we are slowly opening the door for negativity to enter into our relationship.  This is the same for a marriage- even when one person stops progressing it puts a strain and a burden on the relationship.

Even though I feel like I answered my question; I keep asking myself the question again- how does this happen?  My parents divorce was not one that was drawn out.  I was only 5 years old.  It was a pretty simple divorce and I don't remember too much from that time (that's probably a blessing!).  My parents disagreed a lot (so I've been told), but that wasn't the main cause of their divorce.  My Dad left my mom for another woman.  Pretty plain and simple.  He loved this other 'woman' (I put that in parenthesis because in my opinion any woman who actively pursues a married man loses complete and all respect from me, and I don't think she should be honored with the amazing title that it is to be a woman) more than he loved his family.  He put his selfish and stupid desires above his commitment to his family, and in the end it only left him with heartache.

So I think I've figured it out- divorce is cause by a lack of caring on either one or both individuals part.  A lack of caring about each other's welfare   I think it happens when people turn inward instead of outward   When they put their own needs above others; not only their spouses, but their families, their children, etc.

Well, if you made it to the end congratulations!  This may sound like rambling but I like to write down my thoughts and Ben's at work so I can't talk to him so the internet will have to do.

One thing that I really got out of writing this is that I need to hold my husbands hand more, talk to him more, listen to him more, confide in him more, and especially pray and go to the temple with him more.  I'm so grateful that we have been sealed in the temple and that we can have the Spirit in our home and in our marriage when we are actively pursuing to be better people.  I'm grateful that we both decided to change for the better and that we overcame the rough patch that we had back in Rexburg.  I'm really grateful that we can disagree and constructively come to a decision.  I'm grateful that I don't need to bottle everything up and explode, but that I can talk to him about anything and that he is a great listen.

Hug your loved ones a little tighter today.

I was that girl who cried at church today...

You know when you are having one of those days...or better yet a week.  I try to be patient, kind, and calm, but then I just bottle everything up and turn into a weeping mess.

Let me start at the beginning for you.  Church is very hard for us to attend- let alone stay all three hours.  It's right during B's nap time and no matter how hard we try to adjust it, it doesn't happen.  So we end up going to Church- basically every Sunday- with a cranky little girl.  When Brynlee has an attitude, it is bad.  Like really bad.  Embarrassing bad; makes me feel like a failure of a mother kind of bad.  Today was no different than the last couple of Sundays.  During the week she is the easiest girl to go down for a nap, and thankfully still does two a day.  However, when Sunday comes along it's all down hill till 4pm when we get home and she goes straight to sleep.

At church all she want's to do is run around.  We live in a very old ward though, if you know what I mean.  So I get disapproving looks from elderly women on a regular basis about her running around.  She's an active kid!  While she does enjoy reading at home- when she is not home she loves to explore everywhere and everything.  Trying to get her to stay in one spot and sit contently is like trying to tie down a wild boar with a piece of dental floss- it's impossible!  I do try though- I try my freaking hardest to get her to be calm and learn to be reverent when we are at Church. Am I succeeding---as far as I can tell...no.  I'll keep trying though!

Well after a rough sacrament meeting we went into Sunday School.  As soon as we sat down in our chairs Brynlee starts trying to get out of the room.  When you tell her no and try to redirect her attention- sometimes it works and sometimes it's a complete fail.  Today was a fail- with her throwing her body on the ground and yelling for a few seconds.  This is all when people are trying to come into the room mind you- so now Brynlee is making her own human barricade.

I pick her up and she just yells louder and arches her back to get out of my grip.  I give up and put her on the ground- hoping I can redirect her with a snack, a bunch of toys, anything!  Well it doesn't work and she goes running out the door.  Ben goes outside to try and rangel her.  Meanwhile I unconsciously let out a loud, "UGHHH" and put my hand on my forehand.  The lady in front of us turned around smiled and laughed, I just looked at her and said, "it's just one of those days" and she gave me a pitty smile.  I know that she didn't mean anything negative by it at all, she is very nice, it probably reminded her of when her own kids were younger.  However, for some reason my heart broke.  I started crying right there.  I couldn't help it.  Because of my own insecurities I took it as "oh that girl can't manage her toddler", even though I'm positive that's not what she was thinking.

I then had to make the long walk to the bathroom trying to hide the tears coming out my eyes.  And of course as soon as I get into the bathroom- it's completely jammed packed!  I wait patiently avoiding eye contact with anyone because by then I really did look like a mess.  When I got into the bathroom stall I just buried my face into a bunch of toilet paper trying to muffle the sound of me bawling.

I guess I just needed a good cry.  I used to be a cryer- but I'm not so much anymore.  I think the stress that I put on myself and that society puts on all of us to be the best mothers and raise the best kids just overwhelmed me today.

I calmed myself down and waited till everyone left and then cleaned myself off and then had a good rest of Church.  I feel much better now too! I guess we all deserve a good cry once in a while.  Happy Sunday!  

16 Months Old

Oh my has time flown by!  We are at the 16 month mark and boy have things changed a bit.  My once sweet little lady, has now just as much attitude as she does sweetness. It's not all bad though, she can hold her own in a crowd, is not scared of others at all, plays extremely well with other kids, and does a pretty good job at sharing too.  However, we have also been blessed with...biting (ouch), hitting (absolutely not), and of course bossing mom around (yea, that doesn't go over well).  3 minute tantrums are now a daily thing, however so are lots of kisses, hugs, smiles, and laughter.  It can't be good all the time right?

At 16 months Brynlee is trying to roll over from her headstand.  Climbs literally everything.  And I'm talking actually scales it!  Runs into everything whenever she gets really excited and happy about something.  I swear people probably think we beat her with the number of bruises that she has gotten this week!  When Brynlee gets hurt she doesn't run to anyone for comfort.  Instead she runs AWAY from you screaming.  Within a few minutes though she calms down and will come to you for some lovin'.

Brynlee's also got a few words down now:  no, stop it, up, sit (which still sounds like shiz), Momma and Dada (obviously), what's that, who's that, and occasionally she'll say banana.  We are desperately trying to teach her please and thank you, but so far nothing.

As far as food goes, this child will basically eat everything.  However in the last week she has decided that she desperately HATES peas.  Don't you dare even put them on her plate.  She loves grilled chicken, green beans, black beans, pears and peaches, PB&J's, broccoli  and especially carrots.  She would seriously eat only carrots if I let her.  She's also still in mainly 12 month clothes but is starting to make her way into some 18 month pants.  They are to big around her waste, but fit her legs lengthwise.  My small fry.  She's still has that cute little baby fat, but is light as a feather (except every time I walk up stairs with her I feel like she is 20lbs. heavier lol)

Two months till nursey! We are sooo excited!  Church is so hard for us.  It's from 1pm-4pm so right at lunch and nap time.  Completely throws her off the whole day.  So I'm not really sure how or when we are going to try to change her nap time so that she doesn't get difficult during nursery.

Alright one last thing!  I always take pictures of Brynlee's face or whole body.  I have realized though that I have forgotten to take some good pictures of her tiny little features.  You know those wrinkly little hands, teeny tiny feet, those little curls on the back of her head.  Yesterday I whipped out my camera and tried my hardest to take some pictures of those little details that we sometimes forget.  They go away so fast!  I'm so happy that I did.  When I sat down to go through and edit her pictures I got all choked up and teary eyed because I really see how she is growing up.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not in that stage that wishes their kids would stay baby's forever.  I'm perfectly content, excited, and thrilled to watch her grow and develop.  Yes, this 16 months has been such a blast, but let's be honest....the next 18+ years are going to be blasts to! It goes by fast though, so ladies get out your camera, iphones, whatever you have and take some snap shots of those delicate little features that by tomorrow will have changed.

Good Old Bathtime

One of our favorite parts of the day!  Brynlee rarely sits down in the bath anymore and prefers to stand up dancing, splashing, and stomping.  She is certainly a hoot.

However, after the bath last night all heck broke loose.  We were up all night, she just did not want to go to sleep.  Not pleasant one bit.

Brynlee's nicknames- Bugs, Bear, B, sweets, lil' momma, and Brynny.

15 Months Old

Holy Moly we are in full fledged toddler-hood!  I have a very sweet, spunky, yet dramatic little lady on my hand.  She is full of personality and determination.  She knows what she likes and what she doesn't like.
She is great at playing with other kids.  She loves just getting into everything.  She's actually kind of a busy body.  When I take her to the park she isn't shy at all.  She just goes up and makes a little friend around her age, or she follows the bigger kids around trying to do what they do.

Brynlee has completely changed my outlook on life.  I feel like I am a much more positive person.  I try harder to see the happy things and I hand conflict and disappointed differently. I love being a mom- it's hard and frustrating at times but the good definitely outweigh the bad- by a lot.  I am so craving another baby, but unfortunately it is not time yet.  Not too long hopefully!  We'd like to get pregnant within the next year, but only time will tell and that's the attitude that we have right now.

I don't want our kids to be too far apart in age and Brynlee loves babies so I think that she would adjust pretty well as long as their not too far apart.  Again though, it's not in our hands so we will take it one day at a time.  Right now I am completely in love with this little ball of energy and she certainly keeps me very busy.

Here's a few little tid-bits about Brynlee at 15 months old

• She's a small fry:  Brynlee is 31 inches long (40 something percentile) and 21 lbs. 4 oz (30 something percentile).  I really thought she was bigger than that but the scale doesn't lie haha She still fits into some 6-12 month clothes and the majority of her clothes are still 12 months.  
• Climbs everything!  She child is a little monkey now.  She loves climbing up on chairs, steps, you name it she'll climb it. 
• Loves going to the gymnastics gym on Friday.  It's so fun watching her run around all excited and learning new things like walking on the balance beam for toddlers and learning to jump on the tramp.  I can't wait to get her into the gymnastics Mommy n' Me class next year.  We were there the other day and she wanted to go say Hi to the lady who work the front.  She stood up all the way on her tippy toes to peek over the desk and the lady said- "that's a gymnast right there- pointed toes and check out those calves!" When she stands up her calves look like they have little golf balls in them.
• She's very brave!  When were at the gym she'll walk right into the foam pit.  This first time was an accident- then she decided that she liked it and wanted to do it again and again.  
• Loves being naked.  When we take her clothes off and she's just in her diaper she runs around like a nut.  She screams through the house waving her arms.  
• Babbling a ton- she's on track for words.  She'll say dada, mama, what's that, and occasionally book and sit (which sounds like a word that a little baby should not be saying!) 

The most important thing though is that she is happy, healthy, and loved.  What more could I ask for! 

Happy Easter!

Our Easter was celebrated fairly low key this year.  I had sessions on Saturday and Monday so we couldn't go down and visit Ben's family in Utah.  However I've blocked out a three day weekend in May when we can visit them.

For Easter I woke up early to clean and make a delicious breakfast.  I'm talking the whole nine yards- bacon, sausage, eggs, hash browns, and toast.  It was delicious!  Then we watched Brynlee open her little Easter Basket we made her.  She was so stinkin' cute!  She loves Easter eggs- playing with them, trying to eat them, and especially throwing them.

After we all got cleaned up we headed to Church.  We only lasted the first two hours because Brynlee's naps starts at 1 and so does Church.  It's really hard to stay that last hour because she just gets really fussy and doesn't like to be held while she sleeps.

When Church was over we headed on up to Rexburg to have dinner with some really great friends.  It so awesome having friends who feel like family when we don't have any family near us.

Overall it was a very successful Easter.  I just love having the constant reminder of the sacrifice that Jesus made and the examples that He gives us.  Even though the Easter bunny is awesome and candy is yummy, that's not what it's about.  Easter is all about remembering our Savior and celebrating His life and how He conquered death.