Friday, October 24, 2014

October Update

My little guy is getting even bigger.  I can't believe it!  Brynlee and him are still getting along wonderfully.  She is a very loving big sister and I'm really proud of her.  She definitely tests my patience quite a bit, but my heart totally melts when I see her loving on "her baby".  She insists on seeing him the minute he wakes up and constantly wants to be playing on the floor with Beckett.  These two are sweet!

I have no idea how big or long Beckett is, all I know is that this boy like to eat and he is really strong.  He also likes to pull Brynlees hair...yea were working on that!  He rolls over both ways (belly to back & back to belly).  He loves being on his stomach.  He's got a killer smile and LOVES to be naked.

Brynlee is doing awesome.  She's talking a ton, independent, and is still her sassy little self.  I can't believe she goes to Primary in January.  I'm not sure how I feel about it!  The kids that she is moving up with are all older 3 year olds and she'll have been 3 for 2 weeks!  She'll definitely have an adjustment from nursery...which is like 2 hours of total playtime.

Ben got a promotion! He's moving off of the sales floor and teaching their training classes.  This is a good move for him.  We're actually make a tiny bit less because he is super awesome at selling.  Originally the salary that they presented him was like $12,000 less a year so he decided negotiate with them and he got them to increase it.  He's so excited and is really going to excel at this new position.  This is pretty much a stepping stone for us in the right direction in terms of management experience for him.  I'm pretty proud of him!

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

October 2014 Family Pictures

My friend Sam (from Samantha Hanny Photography) and I traded family sessions this year.  What a great idea!  She took mine, I took her's and we each edit our own.  Score!

I have to say though that Brynlee was a beast during our session.  For real! Like really really bad.  We haven't done family pictures in over 2 years so I kind of forgot about all the stress and preparation that goes into it!

We took our pictures up north in Ashton so we had to leave at like 3:30pm in order to drive the 1.5 hours.  My bra broke that morning (yep, I blame nursing) so I needed to run out and get a new one.  That took longer than I thought and then I had to get everyone ready.  Feed Brynlee, get her dressed, and do her times that by two.  And then nag Ben for probably an hour to get ready and that I needed help.

So we were 30 minutes late....yea I hate that!  I planned to be there at a certain time because I knew that Beckett would need to eat by then.  Well, since we left so late there wasn't really time to feed him...yea that was a bad idea.  Beckett and Brynlee both cried throughout the whole thing.  I have literally done at least 2 headswaps on all the pictures haha oh well next time I will be sure to leave on time and feed everyone! And stash gummybears in my back pocket to bribe Brynlee.

At least they look super cute!!

Sunday, September 28, 2014

Background on Beckett's Hearing and 2 months update :)

Some things in life are just out of your control, and frankly it sucks. Beckett failed the newborn screening time twice at the hospital in his left ear. We then waited two weeks in hopes that it was just fluid and would drain out. But at the hospital he failed again. So they referred us to an audiologist to get deeper testing. The first time we went was just a disaster. We waited for 45 minutes (I guess all of their appointments ran long that day) so by the time we were seen Beckett was awake and in order to get the most accurate testing they should be asleep. So we tried to do the 3 different tests before I finally said I need to feed him this isn't working and I want to give him the best chance of passing. So after I fed him the audiologist came back in and tried to do another test but by then he was pretty frank and said that the receptionists screwed up scheduling appointments for pretty much the entire day and didn't schedule extra time for any newborn screenings. So we went back the next week and they did the testing again.

We were really hoping it was just fluid but something in my gut was telling me it wasn't. Maybe it was the Spirit prepping me for bad news so I was more prepared.  During the testing they determined that Beckett has moderate-severe sensorineural hearing loss in his left ear and it is permanent. The root of the problem stems from the inner ear in which there is a problem with the cochlea.  Beckett has issues with high pitches, so sounds like voices are very hard for him to hear out of his left ear. The first thing I thought was 'but his right ear works greats great so isn't that enough'. But that's not how your ears and brain work independently and together. If there is an issue in one it effects how you learn to transmit sounds into words- so speech is impaired, learning development is effected, and there are other issues as well. So it's not something that you should ever leave untreated, especially in infants. The earlier you address the issue the better. So we are at a good advantage since we are addressing it so early that hopefully there won't be any delays.

So since this hearing loss is permanent really the only treatment right now is a hearing aid for his left ear. The hraring aid needs to be worn 24/7 for the rest of his life except for when he is swimming or sleeping.He may be a candidate for a cochlear implant in the future but that will have to wait until he is older and we're not ever sure if we would want it. When people hear the word implant they immediately thing of something unseen. Cochlear implants are anything but. It's virtually a hearing aid with a wire that contacts to the outside of your skull (so on top of your head.where it's very noticeable). It's actually much larger than a hearing aid. We would definitely get it if he was deaf but his hearing in his right ear is good and the left one can use a hearing aid. We went to the ENT (ear nose throat doc.) And he agreed with the audiologist. He does want to do a cat scan or an MRI in December when Beckett is a little older to see the extent of what is wrong in his inner ear.

When they told me I was kind of numb at first and then just sad. You never want to hear that there is something wrong with your kid or something that could possible be a challenge in his life.  I fear the day that some kid makes fun of him for having it or when he feels embarrassed by it. He may have our permission to punch that kid in the stomach, or hopefully he'll do the opposite and befriend that kid and embrace the fact that he had an aid and use it to his advantage. It's up to him though. I don't want him to think that's it's something to be ashamed of because he may look a little different than other kids. I want him to feel like 'sure my left ear is a little off so I wear this to help me hear and I can do anything that anyone else can-heck there are things that I can do better!'

I also want him to know that he is blessed, very blessed to be able to use a hearing aid. If it was any worse he would be deaf in his left ear and there would be no point in one. And frankly if the worst thing in your life is a hearing aid you are truly blessed and have a wonderful life.  Beckett is going to have to go about some things a little different than other kids but I want him to know that it doesn't make him worth any less than them. God doesn't give you anything you can't handle.  He will have to wear a hearing aid the rest of his life. We won't know if it's progressive (meaning his hearing will get worse) or if he will start to loose hearing in his right ear until he is older.

I was kind of in denial about him having to wear a hearing aid for the rest of his life and if this would effect his development and self esteem. It didn't really hit me until the ENT confirmed that it was sensorineural and permanent and for some reason I just burst into tears in his office. He was my last hope that this was something that could be fixed.

I feel a bunch of weird emotions. Like I'm sad for Beckett that he'll have this struggle but at the same time I feel bad for feeling sad because there are people with children who have life these life threatening diseases. Like I said if his biggest struggle is hearing aids and everything that comes along with them then he is living a great life. That being said I've come to realize that it's okay to feel upset about this it doesn't make me a bad or ungrateful person. When we first found out everyone we told would immediately say it could be a lot worse at least he's not deaf. I know that it's coming from a good place, but honestly when you get bad news and need to talk to someone that isn't the right choice of words- we know it could be a lot worse, we just want someone to validate the emotion that we are feeling and tell us that it's okay to feel that and it will get better.

We are constantly getting asked on a daily basis what he is wearing in his ear haha.  At first it annoyed me, but now I am used to it.  When little kids ask what it is I always start of with something like you know how Batman has all these cool gadgets to help him fight bad guys, well Beckett has this really cool one that helps him hear so well it's like a superpower.  They think it's pretty darn cool! I even had one little boy ask to borrow it haha.  It's also funny when elderly people ask about it because they are just blown away to see a hearing aid on an infant (especially when they wear one themselves).  Just today the elderly women I was sitting next to in relief society asked what it was and I told her a hearing aid.  She just smiled really big and said something along the lines of I thought it was! And then showed me hers haha. Developmentally so far Beckett is doing awesome and seriously he is as sweet as pie. This kid is like my little miracle because he is just what we needed in our family. He brings so much peace and happiness.

He loves being in the baby carrier and I love wearing it. We can see a bond developing between him and Brynlee which is really cute. Sometimes when he's fussy and I can't pick him up right away Brynlee will run to him and tell him it's okay, kiss and hug him and he'll actually calm down. These two love each other already. She'll even tuck him in with her blanket "reesi" sometimes. Which anyone who has ever met her blanket knows that's a big deal and true love.

At two months old is he 14 1/2 lbs and 23 1/2 inches.  He is a big and healthy boy! He nursers about every 2-4 hours during the day so it's pretty easy to go out and do stuff with him and Brynlee.  He is an awesome sleeper at night.  Most nights he'll sleep through completely and wake up at 7am to eat, but sometimes he does add a little midnight feeding in there.

I absolutely LOVE breastfeeding.  Not just because of the financial benefits (which are awesome) and the nutritional, but because I just feel this beautiful closeness with him (I felt the same closeness when I fed Brynlee a bottle too, it might just be the act of feeding haha).  He'll randomly stop eating, and give me the biggest smile and little grunt/giggle and then keep on eating.  I just love him soooooo much!

Brynlee is such a amazing big sister! She is so sweet with him and always comes up to him and says "pretty baby" and loves kissing him.  She also loves holding him now!  He is pretty much half her size so it's a little funny looking.  B's speech has just be flourishing and improving so much.  She carries on these funny little conversations with me and she actually tries to negotiate with me about watching movies or taking a nap.  She is still her same old social butterfly who just loves everyone.

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Beckett's 1 Month Old!

We made it through our first month- holy cow it has flown by super quick.  Beckett is such an awesome baby.  He pretty much just eats and sleeps.  He's like a power nurser too and it only takes like 15 minutes to feed him.

Brynlee is my little helper and LOVES her baby brother.  Sometimes just a little too rough haha she is constantly checking on him and likes to hold him now.  But when he gets fussy and she's holding him she really doesn't want to give him up.  She loves to rest her face on his and kiss him.  They are going to be so stinking cute together.

Beckett is one big kid! He was 11 lbs. 6 oz.  and is pretty long to.  He's just our little linebacker and I love those cheeks.  I understand why Brynlee is always touching them haha.

It amazes me how much he sleeps.  At night time he only nursers twice a night.  Once at 3am and then again around 7am.  He's so easy though because he just eats and goes right back to sleep.  It's weird not having to walk around shushing and bouncing and swaying for hours at a time.  Brynlee was really colicky for the first 6 weeks so life was prety difficult.  I feel like we have a better handle on it this time around :)

Saturday, August 2, 2014

A little update

We are definitely enjoying being a family of 4! Beckett has such a mellow little personality.  The breastfeeding is going really well too.  During the day he eats about every 2 hours and at night time he eats about every 3 or 4 hours.  Last night Ben used a bottle that I pumped earlier that day so I got to sleep for a solid 7 was wonderful!! I was lucky this week to and three times this week I was able to get Brynlee and Beckett down for naps at the same time, again wonderful.  Beckett's a pretty big kid :) At his 2 week appointment he was 10 lbs. 10 oz. and 21.5 inches long.  So 95th percentile for height and 90th for weight, apparently we make big healthy boys!

Brynlee has been doing really great adjusting to having a sibling.  She gets a little jealous sometimes when Ben gets home from work and can't play with her right that second, but for the most part she's been awesome.  She adores her brother and is constantly checking on him, rubbing his head, and hugging him.  She tells him that she loves him and gives him kisses without any prompting to.  It's so sweet and makes my day.  At first Brynlee would get this nervous laugh whenever he would cry but now (for the most part) she tries to help if he's crying by brining him a binky, a toy, or by telling him to feel better and rubbing his head.  Although twice this week he was crying and I couldn't get to him right away so it had been a few minutes and Brynlee just stood over him and told him to "stop crying baby brother", it was funny and we had a nice little chat that sometimes babies cry and we should be kind to them...I think she got it ;) This was my first official week solo at home so it was interesting! I realize that I need to grow another set of hands or clone myself in order to get everything done.  I'm come to terms there are more important things than to have the apartment spotless, it's generally clean for the most part because when it's messy I feel anxious.

I took Beckett's newborn pictures over a course of 3 days and it really really made me appreciate when I had my small little studio room.  It was such a pain setting everything up and taking it down every day and I eventually gave up.  I wish I could have gotten 1 more setup in (and use at least 2 more of the little pants that I bought), but I am really happy with how they turned out.  I rented the camera that I am hoping to buy next year to test it out and I absolutely LOVED it.  It was a full frame so my 50mm worked perfectly on it.  I tried to get some of Brynlee and Beckett, but right now Brynlee will avoid the camera at any costs.  I managed to get 2 though and I think they are pretty sweet.  I need to take more pictures, but half the time I'm just trying to keep everyone happy.

I lost my pregnancy weight!  It wasn't hard this time because I only gained 13 lbs.  So I actually weight 7 lbs less then when I got pregnant.  I'd like to lose 30 lbs. by December so next week I'm signing up for a new gym membership and I'm going to get my butt into gear.  Ben has been going to the gym a few times a week again so that gives me some encouragment, and I'm lucky if I'm able to eat anything during the day.  All I want to eat is meat and baby spinach salad (with croutons, yum!).  I have to limit the amount of dairy that I eat or Beckett gets really gassy.  Frankly if I can grab a bowl of granola cereal before 11am it's a good day.

Anyhoo, life if a little chaotic right now and I'm still trying to get my bearings.  I have yet to take both kids anywhere by myself yet haha I'm a chicken! Maybe next week ;) I'm still working on Beckett's room.  I changed the color scheme a little bit, it was looking a little too girly for my taste so I added some black and white curtains and some fun wall decor to add some contrast, I can't wait till them get here and it's all done.  Then I'll do another little photo session of it and hopefully get some pictures of me and Beckett together, more lifestyle though.