Motherhood is hard and not for the faint of heart. I'm not trying to be dramatic, but it's really the hardest thing I've ever had the privilege to do.
My mom wasn't a stay at home mom, she had to work a ton to support our family after my parents split up. So we always had babysitters or fended for ourselves. She did the absolute best she could, and I am so grateful because I know it wasn't easy for her.
Now that I'm a stay at home mom myself I often find myself really confused and upset and thinking I'm totally failing this whole parenthood deal. I'm just never sure if I'm doing a good job. It's this overwhelming dark cloud and Satan's influence just trying to get me to believe that I'm not good enough, that I'll never be good enough.
We've had a really rough month lately. Mainly because I haven't been able to be as active with Brynlee as I should be. Her temper tantrums are full out scary screaming fits. It's the most ear piercing screech and every time I just want to slam my face into the wall or run far far away from everyone. It doesn't help that we live in an apartment either with very high ceilings so our neighbors hear absolutely everything. I constantly feel like child protective services is going to be called by how loud Brynlee can scream. Now it's not like she screams 24 hours a day, there are definitely plenty of fun times as well. Sometimes it's just hard to remember the good parts of the day when your child is having a meltdown. Tonight was one of those nights. She woke up from her nap just cranky and everything set her off. We finally got dinner ready and we're sitting down at the table and B decides she doesn't want to eat and is yelling "I don't want it!!" Over and over again and pushing her chair away from the table. Then I just snapped I yelled that I had had enough and I went and locked myself in the bathroom for 5 minutes. When I came out everything was fine haha granted she still wasn't eating anything but by then I really didn't care.
We all had a heart to heart about what we needed to change in our parenting. I'm too controlling and Ben is too lax, we need to find some balance. Tomorrow is going to be a better day. One that hopefully doesn't have as many tantrums and more laughter. I'm going to try to ease the reigns on things that may not be very important and look for the good. We're going to have a nice day tomorrow, we have a lot to be grateful for and I need to remember that more. Nobody's kids are perfect. It's hard to remember that sometimes, but it's true. Everyone has flaws, even cute toddlers. Were all just trying to learn and grow more every day. I'm going to try harder to have more patience and compassion than I have had recently. I've been too quick to get frustrated and show my frustration with a bad attitude.