The BIG D

You know that absolutely terrifying heartbreaking word right...DIVORCE.  Hold your horses though and don't jump to conclusions, we are not divorcing or even heading down that road.  We had a rough year right before Brynlee was born and shortly after but thankfully we both changed for the better and couldn't love each other and our little family more than we do right now.  Yes, we definitely disagree with each other sometimes, but for the most part we are on the same page.

Just this morning though while I was wasting time on facebook, I came across a little 'announcement' made by a past co-worker of mine.  She had explained on facebook that her and her husband were getting a divorce.  They were sealed in the temple and past students at BYU-Idaho.  In a nutshell she said that she has suffered for three years and has sought a lot of counsel from their Bishop and prayer, and that enough was enough she had to think of herself.

I couldn't help but think to myself one; this is so sad, and two; how does this happen?

How do people who were once madly in love with each other and made such sacred promises get to the point of wanting to dissolve their partnership and move on without one another.  Now I'm not saying anything else about this couple, this is just my own thoughts on the matter of divorce (not their divorce in particular because its frankly none of my business).

I don't think that divorce sneaks up on people; I think it comes gradually over a period of time.  Feelings of anger, resentment, hostility, rejection, and distrust slowly drown a couple.  Marital matters that should be resolved or at least worked on are either swept under the rug or approached in the wrong manner.  By approaching in the wrong manner I mean- when you spouse comes to you with an honest complaint and you get defensive and either want to get back at them or not want to listen to them.  We all have different aspects of ourselves as husbands and wives that we need to work on.  Let's be honest nobody is perfect.  I have met those amazing couples who seem to have so much love, compassion, and admiration for one another but also comes over time.  I can honestly say that even though right now I am trying to be the best wife and mother I can be (an oftentimes I feel like I fall short), I think that in 5 years, 10 years, heck even 20 years down the road I will be so much better than I am now.  Life is about progressing.

As a couple we should strive to progress with one another.  When we stop progressing towards become better and more Christlike than we are slowly opening the door for negativity to enter into our relationship.  This is the same for a marriage- even when one person stops progressing it puts a strain and a burden on the relationship.

Even though I feel like I answered my question; I keep asking myself the question again- how does this happen?  My parents divorce was not one that was drawn out.  I was only 5 years old.  It was a pretty simple divorce and I don't remember too much from that time (that's probably a blessing!).  My parents disagreed a lot (so I've been told), but that wasn't the main cause of their divorce.  My Dad left my mom for another woman.  Pretty plain and simple.  He loved this other 'woman' (I put that in parenthesis because in my opinion any woman who actively pursues a married man loses complete and all respect from me, and I don't think she should be honored with the amazing title that it is to be a woman) more than he loved his family.  He put his selfish and stupid desires above his commitment to his family, and in the end it only left him with heartache.

So I think I've figured it out- divorce is cause by a lack of caring on either one or both individuals part.  A lack of caring about each other's welfare   I think it happens when people turn inward instead of outward   When they put their own needs above others; not only their spouses, but their families, their children, etc.

Well, if you made it to the end congratulations!  This may sound like rambling but I like to write down my thoughts and Ben's at work so I can't talk to him so the internet will have to do.

One thing that I really got out of writing this is that I need to hold my husbands hand more, talk to him more, listen to him more, confide in him more, and especially pray and go to the temple with him more.  I'm so grateful that we have been sealed in the temple and that we can have the Spirit in our home and in our marriage when we are actively pursuing to be better people.  I'm grateful that we both decided to change for the better and that we overcame the rough patch that we had back in Rexburg.  I'm really grateful that we can disagree and constructively come to a decision.  I'm grateful that I don't need to bottle everything up and explode, but that I can talk to him about anything and that he is a great listen.

Hug your loved ones a little tighter today.